​WHY BLOG? 

Our journey of 1,000 steps begins with the first step.  Why not journey together?   I am sharing my journey through blogs to offer insight and growth together.  My life has taken many turns since I began to blog, however, one thing has been consistent - that is when I have faith and release my fear, I am truthful to others and more importantly to myself.  I have found my best friend who helps strengthen my truth and faith and helps me grow.  
We were married in 2024.  Just to continue my journey of living life to the fullest. 

FOLLOW ME ON MY JOURNEY​

The YOU, you are... 

The beginning of my journey......

Many take the journey of life for granted.  They believe that they are going on their own personal journey by just staying “a float”.  Working so much that they are not drowning in debt, or rushing so they are not “sinking” in time for being late to the next activity that they are involved in.  This summer, I realized that I was taking my journey of life in those extremes.  Not really thinking that I was lost because I was set financially, I was enjoying my summer to the fullest, really taking time to do things for me.  I had some time to write in a journal, I went to the gym, I went on many dates, I even read a book!  But it was really hard finding me because I didn’t realize I was lost.  I look back now and realize that I was just “swimming” through the summer with activities that bring instant gratification.  I was drowning my true feelings/thoughts with drinking, cheering on others, and doing things to create a story about my life.  Not focusing on building me into me – creating my YOU that I am.
 
I have come to realize that I am ok alone.  It is good to be alone. You realize areas that you struggle with, you have time to reflect and you find the YOU, you are!  However, it can be a conflicting time.  A time when you want to be with someone because you need to feel the want, the desire to just have someone in your life.  Trying to get to the ME that I am, I need to find where my struggles are and then address them daily to become the ME I want to be. Trust and confidence come to mind when I think about what I struggle with the most.  
 
TRUST or truth is hard to accept.  You want to be truthful, but you do not want to hurt the person you are being truthful with.  My ideal trust would not only come from trust with others, but more so, trust within my heart, my soul and my mind.  I tend to try and bend my thoughts on the other person.  I tend to lack confidence to trust my judgment or understanding of what I really want.   The journey I am on has taught me to be truthful with yourself first, before you can trust anyone else.  That is a difficult task, to say the least. 
 
How do I overcome this?  I think the only way would be surround myself with those that I can truthfully be around – those that help me be me!  Be the person that I want to be.  Not someone that someone else wants me to be.  In my marriage – I was always at blending with his wants and not my need.  I literally was at his beck and call – I felt that he wanted me when he asked me to do things for him.  Not when he did things for me.  The things he did for me were because he felt he had too…. I felt that he did not want to. But he had too  I want to be with someone that always wants to do things with or for me.  Not because they have to, just that they WANT to.  When you want to do something for someone it is clearly from the heart, not the action. 
 
The biggest struggle with this is how do I change my thoughts on feeling like I have to please someone for someone to want to be with me? 
 
The other area that I feel I struggle with is confidence.  This is an extreme challenge, because I want to keep my guard up in my mind, my heart, and my soul.  But I do not want my guard to be too far up that I am negative or overbearing when I am with someone. 
 
My thoughts have pondered to who am I?  Who is the me that I am?  My journey in life has brought me to a realization that I will always be working on me.  You need to own your story and not let the story own you.  The journey you are given should not yield.  It should be driven.  DRIVEN to seek, strive and find  the YOU that you are!

​Summer 2015 

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Breaking Even 

​While my journey through life continues, I find myself constantly questioning what I do.  I wonder what it would be like to have the patience to grow with each part of life - the part that not only gives you a feeling of strength but also the part that can try to defeat you.  I feel like life can be comparable to a game.  Games that can either break you or give you an opportunity to BREAK EVEN.
 
Patience is a big part of the game life.  Patience could be the perfect play in the game needed to win.  Personally, my “patience play” does not always fit me.  I find myself putting all my wants before I put on my patience.  If I want something I find myself trying hard to get it, therefore ruining the journey, the mystery I could have had to accomplish what I was working toward.  I need to try patience on to find the perfect play that is just right.  This includes taking time for me and not replacing that time by rushing through the plays of life’s games.
 
The rush doesn’t allow me to enjoy the journey, rather just take it for granted.  Patience includes “soaking it all in” so that you can be truthful to yourself and build your confidence to know that you are capable to at least play the game, with gratitude and to the best to your ability.  Having the capability to play your best gives your soul patience and an understanding to accept the outcome.  Win or lose, the outcome can give you an opportunity of a fulfilling growth.  Acceptance gives you the patience to share your achievement with those that give you the strength you need to BREAK EVEN and “soak it all in.”  
 
When you are able to BREAK EVEN, you are able to understand the balance between patience and pain or the challenge that you are facing.  Challenges can either break you causing you to always lose the game or BREAK EVEN allowing a chance to win a better tomorrow.  When you BREAK EVEN you are able to absorb the gratitude each play in life offers.
 
Personally, I try to always look at the best part of each experience.  I reflect often, maybe even too much!  I desire patience to grow from each experience to allow me to build onto my game of life.  I not only want to BREAK EVEN but I want to get to know who I am and what I need to enjoy the game of life, as well.  I recently learned that gratitude is a way to incline your heart towards BREAKING EVEN with life.  If you can focus your heart’s energy on your blessings, you will be far happier and it will give you a sense of “BREAKING EVEN” with any situation the game of life offers you. 
 
Fall 2015

CRAVINGS VS. DESIRES

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​Cravings vs. Desires
 
Why are cravings so powerful?  I compare all of my wants to cravings.  Cravings are tricky because some are simple and fulfilling, while other cravings can be heart drenching desires.  I find that most cravings are formed from a want in life, rather than a true need.  They are almost a validation for our wants or desires. 
 
Desires are complicated in that sense because what one desires; one mostly tries to force making it become a need.  For example when you see something that you want at a store or a commercial comes on, you may suddenly feel that you cannot see yourself without it.   Personally, you need to decide if that is just a craving or just a need for validation.
 
Up to this point in my life journey, I have found that cravings can be two sided.  They can be as simple as craving a certain food!  Or they can be a true desire that only come from life itself.  When one is able to distinguish between the two, one can determine if validation is needed from others or within. 
 
As humans I feel most seek validation in their thoughts.  The craving for acceptance or validation is extremely elevated when your actions or desires in life are constantly not approved/appreciated by the one you are committed to.  This brings you to constantly seek validation for even the minor or less meaningful cravings.  Craving validation for all your wants/desires can cause constant struggle in your life. 
 
For example, right now I have a desire to always be content with money.  For me, money was a powerful craving that turned into a life desire.  In my marriage, I found many times when there was no money; l felt a strong craving or need to go shopping.  Having that sense and going through that “monumental craving” for money turned into a desire to be content with what I have now.  It grew into a personal validation, to know that money helped cushion my desire to feel content.  I never want myself to be placed in that longing for money again.  Currently, even though I need money, it seems to be a minor less important craving.  However the desire that came out of the craving was to feel content.  Being content is the validation, I need. 
 
When I was craving things, like more money or certain opportunities for my kids, I was creating a false sense of a loving validation.   In learning or growing to learn the true me, I have found that true inner validation comes only from me.   I control what I need validation on. 
 
This is a scary but liberating position.  I am so used to needing that validation, that I tend to drive myself crazy looking for it still….  My only hope is to find a relationship that validates my need for trust, happiness and truthfulness.  Furthermore, allow this validation to find a partner that not only accepts me for who I am, but accepts himself for who he is.  Doing so, will not only validate a relationship to grow from simple cravings to strong desires, but create a validated partnership between two people.
 
 
Fall 2017